Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I've blown a few things in my day
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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