and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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