I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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