I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
