I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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