Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
