He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
