that's an acceptable place to lick
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
