redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
