i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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