I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
