Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
