Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
