she takes plan B like it's going out of style
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
