Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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