It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
