No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
