Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
