i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
