is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
