Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
