i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
