weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
