i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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