I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
