shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He? As in you personified your dick?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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