You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
