Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
