Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
