Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
