i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
