my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
