another moral hangover. fuck.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
