It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
