careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize