Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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