then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
