i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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