How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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