Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
