Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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