y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
