That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
