You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
