i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Randomize
