That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
