no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
