shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
