I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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