Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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