So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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