the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
