found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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