My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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