So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
