If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
