just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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