Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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