I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
