My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
