trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
there is glitter all over my balls
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