Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
