Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
