How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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