After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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