So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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