i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
