The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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