His pubic hair was longer than his dick
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
