ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
